Fear LESS
Fear is a funny thing. It loves control, it comes complete with judgment and self-criticism and it can isolate us faster than a shipwreck. Like a lot of things, fear loves the darkness. In many ways, fear is dark itself. It blocks out the light of hope and joy and it makes it too dark to see clearly enough to make a good, healthy and safe decision. Fear can distort everything and turn a rational person into an angry and exhausted pile of static. Fear does all it can to make you keep still, or even go backward. It loves to paralyze.
Life well lived is all about going forward. Growing in the fertile ground of our experience and using that experience to create new ideas and expanding horizons. Fear just hates growth.
Still, there is no denying that this can be a scary world. Lots of kids are afraid of the dark and all you have to do is watch the lead story on any evening news to find something scary to grown-ups. Grown-ups with kids are even more vulnerable. As parents, the stakes are higher. We need to keep our kids safe too and in the wee hours of the morning we have the nagging suspicion that we cannot. No matter what precautions we take, life requires risk. We must drive to school, use a bath tub and even learn to swim. All of this growth requires a certain amount of manageable risk and can even be a little scary.
So what can we do? Is it even possible to be informed and realistic and still be fearless? Would you want to be fearless? I think not. A certain amount of fear is healthy. When you smell smoke, it is good to fear a fire and get out. When you feed your baby it is good to fear allergic reactions and try one new food at a time. Some fear is helpful and necessary. Some fear is earned from experience of cause and effect. We don’t drink and drive because we fear the consequences, that it good.
Okay, so some fear is good, but what about the unhelpful kind. Can we fear less? I think so. I think if we accept the fact that the life and growth we desire for ourselves and our families can only occur if we are willing to take manageable risks, then the benefits of growth must outweigh the risks and we can be a little less fearful. We can shed the judgment and self-criticism that are parts of our fearing process. Without those two components fear is necessarily reduced by two-thirds.
As parents being fearless is not only unrealistic, it is undesirable, some fear is a good thing. The good news is that fear is like a puppy in need in training. If we learn to control our fears they can actually help us have a safer life. The trick for us and our kids is to be gentle with ourselves and our fears.
When you or your child is anxious try this. Say that it is okay to be afraid. Don’t judge a fear, your own or someone else’s. Fear is very real to the person who is afraid. Treat it like a puppy. Gently take control of the fear. If your child is afraid of the dark, that is okay. Put on a light for a while. Find out what is scary. Is it a monster? Get out some monster repellant, (hairspray is great for this). Spray the doorway and leave a light on.
If you are fearful of your home being unsafe in an emergency, do the same thing. Remind yourself that it is okay to feel afraid. Then take some simple steps. Check your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors. Have a home fire drill and set up a safe spot to meet outside. Get fire ladders for upstairs bedrooms and then breathe. You have done what you can and now you must do the most important thing to control fear. Now you must exchange the fear for faith and remember you are all right and not alone.
Fear wants you all to itself, but you are not alone. Families everywhere are right beside you and when we help each other we all grow. So here’s to controlling fear and growing together.
Keep your face to the sun and may all your shadows fall behind.
Marilynn
Categories: General
