Mother Theresa said, “Intense love does not measure, it just gives.”   She understood parenthood.  Parents give and give and give some more.  They sacrifice as a matter of course and not only do they do it, they do it willingly.  It’s not easy to do and we all grumble and sigh wistfully when we think of how life used to be when we were the center of our own universe, but the truth is, at the end of the day, we wouldn’t change a thing.  In fact, we are grateful for the chance to do it all over again tomorrow.

I recently heard a beautiful description of love.  Love is warm and gives light in the darkness, just like candlelight; but just like a candle, we can consume ourselves in sharing the light.  I believe the more we give our love away, the more love we have to share and I also believe we need to take the time to replenish ourselves throughout the experience.

It’s no use to anyone to burn brightly, or even at both ends and then consume ourselves to the point of extinction.  I think a better metaphor for parenthood is the bonfire.  It gives light and heat to many and it is sustainable.  Bonfires must be fed, replenished and nurtured in order to keep burning bright.  Candles give a little light for a little while.  Bonfires give warmth and light to many people for as long as the fire is fed.

Parents are in it for the long term.  We need to be sustainable and wide reaching.  Therefore, we need to be sure to replenish ourselves.  It’s not a matter of being selfish; it’s a matter of being self-sustaining.  We are no good to anyone if we burn out.  Taking care of ourselves sets the example for our kids on many levels.  Eating right, exercising, being life-long learners, taking measured risks, reaching and striving sends the message that parents are real people with real needs and deserving of real respect.  How can we expect society to value parenting as a true vocation when we are so willing to ignore it ourselves?  Until parents treat themselves with kindness and respect, it will be hard to expect others to value what we do.  From unsympathetic bosses, to those who roll their eyes when we bring our kids into a nice restaurant, people have to be educated about what parenthood demands and the indisputable contribution it makes to make this world a better place.

Let’s give ourselves a break and permission to be human.  Let’s remember that we are a part of the family we care for and put ourselves on our own “to do list”.  Our lights will only shine brighter and give more warmth when we feed the fire.  Take some time to do what you love and share your passions with your family, as they grow older and more able to join you, but don’t abandon yourself in the meantime.  You are more than the sum of what you do for others.  You exist, you are enough and you are worth nurturing.  Ask yourself if you would want your child to live the life you are living when he or she is a parent.   Unless the answer is a resounding “YES!” you may need to make a change and join the family you love so much.  Join them as a full member and nurture your family and yourself.

In the meantime, keep your face to the sun and all shadows will fall behind.

Marilynn

Categories: General

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 23rd, 2011 at 12:41 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.