When Simple Isn’t Easy
We’ve all heard it; “Keep it simple,” “Live simply that others may simply live,” or just, “Simplicity.” Really? Wow, why didn’t we think of that? Naturally, our default setting as parents is to try to complicate life as much as possible. After all, who isn’t looking for more to do and higher and higher expectations to set?
Okay, you got me, maybe that’s not quite true. Still, in an effort to make sure our kids have every possible opportunity to participate in every possible activity, we are regularly exhausted, overwhelmed and consistently late and frustrated. Life is full of choices. We can choose soccer, ballet, music lessons or karate. We can even choose to do all of them, or, and this is a radical thought I know, we could even choose to do none of the above.
I saw a movie recently called “Race to Nowhere” and it was amazing. I highly recommend it to everyone. Parents, teachers, neighbors, friends, families and caregivers should make the time to see this movie. It is dedicated to a child who took her own life because it was the only way she could find to escape the constant pressure of her commitments. Our children are often over scheduled, exhausted and missing out on the finite experience of childhood as a time of innocence, growth and joy.
In our house we often joke that you only get one year to be each age, so it’s important to take some time to just BE it. Whether you are 5 or 15, you just have one year at it, so take your time and breath a little, play a lot and keep learning and growing. All good advice, but the reality of modern life is that there is a lot of pressure on parents to provide EVERY possible opportunity for our children, often at really high cost to the family bank account and to the family dynamic.
We have all heard that it’s important to have dinner together as a family. I whole- heartedly agree and my family and I get to enjoy that almost every night. I am grateful for that and I have no illusions that it is a luxury many families don’t have the chance to enjoy. Between team sports, music lessons and tutoring, many families have to eat on the run between appointments and race around the town with stomachs full of fast food and consciences full of guilt.
My kids have plenty of activities as well and play sports and musical instruments too, I get it; it’s a constant struggle to protect family time and it needs to be a priority to everyone. Structured family time, either as a game night or dinnertime is wonderful, but so is plain, old unstructured playtime. I believe time to hang out with your siblings and have a laugh is crucial. Those are the times to release some of the stress and tension that accumulates for everyone. Those are the memories that sustain us throughout our lives.
Another idea is story-time. We all read to our little ones, but what about the older kids? There is nothing like reading a book together to have great discussions about characters and life in a safe way, where no one is personally embroiled in the drama. That’s the reason book clubs have always been so popular. If you a have a wide range of ages, like me, I think it’s fun for the youngest to choose the bedtime story and the older ones to read it aloud. Modeling anything is the best way to teach our children that we value something enough to do it ourselves. Modeling reading and being lifelong learners and independent thinkers is crucial. Seeing that we love to read encourages our kids to read. Making it a family activity makes it fun for everyone. Story telling games give everyone ownership of the creative process of writing as well as reading. Once they are readers and writers they have at their disposal, the tools to learn anything and even to pass on their learning to others. That benefits everyone.
Another thing worth modeling is independent thinking. We all say we want our children to be able to “think outside the box”, but what if there was no box? What if we took our families and schools out of the box of old thinking and had the courage to choose differently. We say our family is our priority, but what do we really mean? What part of family is a priority? Do we need more lessons and homework and achievements? More time together to reconnect and have a laugh? Is there some combination of the above that approaches that holy grail of modern life known as balance?
What works for your family? How do you make sure the children in your life have the opportunities they want and the time off that they need?
Keep me posted and keep your face to the sun so all shadows will fall behind.
Marilynn
Categories: General
