You can learn a lot about your family and yourself when you head out on a hike of a new place.  You also learn a lot about the sense of humor of the guy who was in charge of posting the trails, but that is another story.  My family and I set out to hike up the Cave Hill not too long ago.  It starts out quite civilized with a formal garden and even a castle, but once you leave the fabled turrets behind you soon find yourself deep in a forest where every trail goes straight uphill.

For reasons I still don’t fully understand, I was elected to be the family field guide.  This is all kinds of crazy because I am well known in my family as having the unique ability of being able to get lost in a paper bag.  For years I would tell my kids that I wanted to show them a particular tree or house or even bird all so I could cover up that I was making yet another U-turn.   My sense of direction is somewhat legendary in my family and when I head out the door everyone asks if my GPS is working.  (It’s kind of sweet really.)

Anyway, because I had been on the trail as a child, (literally holding my mom’s hand and with a view of nothing but her handbag, (Yes, my mom trekked with her purse,) I was nonetheless appointed guide.  So with a confidence I didn’t know I could fake and with my little boy grinning ear-to-ear, we set off.  There are three trails and we chose the one that would lead us on a fairly easy walk and bring us within easy distance of the zoo.  Perfect right?  Sadly, not so much.

It wasn’t long before we came to a fork in the road and of course, no markings for the lovely blue trail we hoped to follow.  Imagine Lewis and Clark, Laurel and Hardy, Magellan and the Mad Hatter and you have a frighteningly good idea of the looks on our faces as we tried to figure out which way to go.  The forest around us was primordial and dense and a fine mist began to close in as we climbed.

I’m not sure what the difference is between a hill and a mountain, but I can tell you that what looks like a hill when you are standing at the foot of it full of hot tea and enthusiasm is most definitely a mountain when you are half way up and lost and wishing you had cell service.

It was about that point when I learned something new about my family.  There was no shortage of grumbling and frustrated remarks and special wishes of gratitude to the genius that failed to mark the trails; but there was also no shortage of giggles, hands helping hands and words of encouragement even for me, (since by now it was clear that reputation for always getting lost would remain in tact.)

It easily could have went the other way, there might have been arguing or blaming or tears, but there was none of the above.  There was laughter, a great story and two days of shoes on the radiator to try and dry them out.

So give it a try, hiking may not always be exactly like you expect it to be, (especially if you let a directionally challenged person be your guide) but it will be good for you, body and soul.  Activities like hiking, boating and really anytime your family gets a chance to work together are a great way to build your family team and learn about who your kids are growing up to be.  Even if you find yourself totally lost, you might just discover that your family is still heading in exactly the right direction.

Keep me posted.

Marilynn

It has been a long time since I’ve been in Ireland, (could be that 4 kids in 10 years has something to do with that).  I grew up coming to Belfast in the height of what was euphemistically called the Troubles.  There may well be no phrase in the English language that better illustrates the Irish gift for understatement.  The Troubles were a time of quiet fears and loud bangs. My mom decided that it was more important to visit family than it was to live with regrets and so we came.

I learned a lot from my time in Ireland.  I learned that family sticks together and that malt vinegar is delicious on hot chips, (fries).  I learned that bad times will pass and that humor is a valuable medicine.  Most of all I learned that I have strength I didn’t know and a deep love for all children.

I started telling my stories in Ireland many years ago when there was lots of little cousins with the time and interest to listen to their “Yank” cousin spin a yarn.  (I’m sure the promise of chocolates had nothing to do with it at all.)  I would make up all kinds of stories and change them along the way as I saw the children smile or yawn or even widen their eyes in anticipation.  I learned that stories have power.  Power to help and power to heal. I learned that a well-crafted story could help a child feel safe in an unpredictable world and make bedtime an event instead of a burden.

I learned about perspective too.  That every story had at least two sides, but usually many more.  I learned that truth lies somewhere in the crossroads of passion and hope.  I learned that life was a story unfolding around each of us and that if we would only take a moment we might understand who we are.

So now a new generation is here to share their stories and forge new bonds.  To learn about the past and shape the future all around the same kitchen table.  It is such a marvel to see your children feel at home in a new place simply because they feel accepted by the people.

A wise person once said that parents are here to give their kids roots and wings.  Most of us spend plenty of time on extra-curricular activities like athletic and artistic training.  We focus a lot on the skills they need and the opportunities we can provide so that our kids will have a great set of wings when the time comes to fly, but I think the roots are key too.

By sharing our heritage and past as well as helping our kids connect with their own generations across other cultures, we give them the roots they need as well.  The roots let them know that they are not alone, that their lives are in a context that is full of music, history and dreams.

So try to share your stories with your kids.  Show them who they might become by celebrating the generations that built the foundation they now stand upon.  You’ll enjoy the walk down Memory Lane and they’ll enjoy knowing the you that existed before you were Mom or Dad.  You just might see some Irish, African or Latin eyes smiling back at you.

With Irish Blessings,

Marilynn

This time last year I was only vaguely aware of a thing called Twitter and social media meant watching TV with friends.  Then, last fall I decided to take some good advice and reach out to my readers and friends on Facebook and Twitter.  You know how they say a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step?  Well, that first tweet was my first step.

To be totally candid, I had NO idea what to do or say and the first month or so had all the grace and eloquence of an elephant delivering the nightly news in a tutu.  Not pretty.  But even so, there was grace and eloquence coming from a warm and welcoming community of moms and dads and organizations that listened, reached out and even followed back.  I was humbled and grateful and I still am.

About 6 weeks in to my Twitter adventure I was bemoaning my awkwardness when I got some life changing advice.  Jenn, I owe you.  She told me to think of Twitter as one more way to simply talk to people, to have a relationship and share a laugh or a tip or news.  Then she clinched it by relating tweets to something only those of us over 30 might get.  “It’s like passing notes between friends.”

Cue the Alleluia Chorus!  Finally I understood.  Twitter is about friendship and a community of support that reminds me daily that we are not alone and we are here to help each other.   When Super Storm Sandy struck, we shared emergency alerts and power outage updates and when the Tragedy in Newtown happened we shared prayers and tips about helping our kids feel safe in an unpredictable world.  My Tweeps now join me on Monday nights at 9EST for #marilynnsinn and we share parenting tips and come together to celebrate the privilege of parenthood and the joy of the journey.

One of my very first followers, @janeeric03, and I even exchange gifts from time to time and I get the honor of having some of her daughter’s original artwork inspired by my stories.  I can’t describe how much that means to me.  To write for children and young adults and to actually hear back from them is the greatest gift a writer could have.

So here we are now, cruising through the 1000 follower mark and I am so happy to celebrate!  In our family we have a tradition.  For each of my kid’s birthdays I bake a cake in the flavor of their choice, (lemon and chocolate tend to be perennial favorites.)  Then I cut the cake into the shape of whatever age they are turning.  This was a great idea with a one year old, but I must admit, certain years I wonder how I’ll do it, (i.e. 3, 6, 9???)

No matter what though, I keep at it because it has become a way to remind my kids how happy and grateful I am to have them.  So here it is, I wish I could give you all a slice, but I think I’d need a food handler license in most states, so we’ll just have to use our virtual imaginations.  I baked our family’s favorites, lemon and chocolate and I was thinking of you.  To all my Twitter friends, the first 1000 and the thousands yet to come, you are a cherished part of our 4 Sunflowers Media family and so I baked you a cake to celebrate you because like my friends the Fuzzwippers always say, YOU ARE LOVED, NO MATTER WHAT.

Thanks for being a part of our family.

Marilynn

New notebooks, binders and backpacks are quietly surfacing in most homes and there is the unmistakable sound of pencils sharpening all around us.  No doubt about it, it’s time to get ready for a new school year.  How do you go from the lazy days of summer, (okay, maybe not exactly lazy days) to the hustle and bustle of a new school year?  How do you set your family up for a successful and even, dare I say it, fun school year?

Everyone has their own approach and in most families, different kids may need different things, but like anything else, the recipe for a good year depends a lot on the ingredients.  It’s a little like one of those reality cooking shows in that some ingredients are just given and must be included.

You probably won’t need to figure out how to make fish heads sound good, but chances are you will need to be creative on how to get your kids excited for double period chemistry, Mrs. Always Cranky for homeroom, homework measured by pounds instead of minutes?  No matter how you slice it, there are some ingredients that might as well be fish heads floating around in your otherwise fabulous stew.

So here’s where your marketing and PR training comes in, here’s where stealth health, (like your zucchini brownies) meets the good old fashioned spoon full of sugar.  This is parenting at its peak.  Not for amateurs but yes, you absolutely must try this at home.  This is the time to get your kids ready for what might be the best school year ever.  In fact, that’s exactly the attitude you need to ignite.

Here are some ideas to help get your family psyched for this amazing year.

1. Stay positive!  Don’t borrow trouble.  So far, this is a great academic year.  Kids grow and schools change over the summer.  Things that might not have been ideal last year may already be resolved.  Maybe Mrs. Always Cranky cured her insomnia and is now Mrs. Morning Person, maybe double period chemistry is where your child first discovers a love of detail and maybe there is a new homework policy that will return your child to the wonders of play after working so hard in school all day.  Maybe not, but it is at least possible.  The most important thing to open this fall may not be a book; it may be your mind.  Come back to school with an open mind and hopeful expectations for a great year.  Replace fear with faith.
2. Do your homework as a parent.  Are your kids friends moving away?  Reach out to the new kids arriving at your school.  The new kids will be glad to have a friend and your child will discover that helping someone else feel welcome feels great and builds confidence too.
3. Does your child struggle with Math? English? History?  Get help now.  Why wait for an old issue to come back?  Arrange for tutors to help from the beginning; don’t wait until the test scores hit the fan!  Right now your child can have the best help and first pick of the time slots, reach out to teachers, tutors and friends and help your child get an all access pass to less school stress.
4. If making friends makes your kid nauseous you can help with that too.  Befriending new kids, joining teams or afterschool programs and clubs gives kids time to be social and structure to take the pressure off being the life of the party.  Plan for these things now, while you are still the master of your own free time.  You can decide to prioritize now or get swept up later.
5. Relax.  Learning is best when the environment is relaxed, safe and positive and guess what?  Parenting is also best that way.  You don’t have to live the whole school year in a day.  Relax and take it one step at a time.  Get a good relationship with school and support your child with an attitude of gratitude.  Your child spends most of their waking hours in school so it’s important that they know that you believe their time there is well spent.  Supporting your child means having some school spirit too, so accentuate the positive every chance you get.

So whether you feel like you are making chicken soup for the anxious or fish head stew for the reluctant, just remember to add a spoon full of sugar and serve it with a great big smile.

I’m rooting for you,

Marilynn

You hear a lot about competitiveness between moms.  Nobody likes to admit that their child still isn’t sleeping through the night, isn’t walking or just tanked on an algebra test.  The thing is that those of us engaged in the business of raising a human being have to learn to fearlessly embrace the messy reality of imperfection.  Human beings are, by definition, only human and I think that is something to celebrate.  We get to try and know that screwing up is not only likely, it’s perfect.  Trying and failing and trying again is what makes the human spirit indominible.  Last week, I learned that we humans are not the only ones trying to be good parents and making mistakes along the way.

Imagine this, I was minding my own business, (sort of) putting the finishing touches on my daughter’s birthday cake.  (Still not sure why I started the whole “I’ll bake you a cake in the shape of the number you’re turning” idiocy, but that ship has sailed.)  We were headed out to dinner with friends to celebrate my daughter’s big day when about 10 minutes prior to our on-time departure, the birthday express was derailed.

Anyway, my little boy bursts into the kitchen with tears in his eyes and a tremble in his voice.  “Come quick Mama!  They’re dying!”  In the throes of trying to make a perfect pink heart over the “i” in Birthday, I looked at my son with what must have been a confused face.  He repeated his news flash more slowly and this time, let the tear fall dramatically down his just washed cheek.   I hate to admit it, but since I knew my kids were all accounted for and my husband was beside me, I actually hesitated before I came back to my senses.  “Okay Buddy, what’s going on?”

Two minutes later we were standing over the scene of the accident.  A wild wind knocked two baby robins and a remarkably tough little blue egg down from our maple tree.  The nest was all but shredded in pieces beside them.  By now I knew three things, we were going to be late for our dinner reservation, the cake would have to do without the roses I planned for the edges and I knew precious little about nest renovation and rebuilding.

My son, daughter and I donned our gloves and grabbed a small flower pot.  The nest was not fixable so we used it to line the flower pot before we gently replaced the robins and the egg.  It’s possible I was grumbling about being late while my kids were looking for worms and singing to the babies when my sweet husband met my exasperated gaze.

“You know, she’s doing the best she can.”  Again, I must have looked confused because like his son a few minutes before, he explained again.  “The mother robin, she’s just like any other mom, she’s doing the best she can.  She’s not much of a nest builder, but you helped her out.  Moms help moms.”

Brilliant.  Moms do help moms, from tips for sleeping through the night, (like put a heating pad in the crib to warm it up and TAKE IT OUT BEFORE you put the baby in), to recommending an amazing algebra tutor, moms know how to help.

So, the next time a mom asks you how things are going, let her know.  Trade tips and make a friend because the best thing about moms is that we will stop what we’re doing to help a friend, feathered or otherwise.

Keep your face to sun and watch out for falling nests.

Marilynn